


Please Listen to Me

by healingqilin



Category: Ailee (Musician), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Future Fic, I cried while writing this, Love Confessions, Short One Shot, True Love, another sad attempt at poetry/songwriting, i love this ship so much i hope you do too, none of that platonic noona-dongsaeng shit here, please ship them with me i hate being alone like this, sort of...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 23:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14146494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/healingqilin/pseuds/healingqilin
Summary: The realization of being in love with Jihoon hits Ailee. Hard.





	Please Listen to Me

 

It was so long ago, but I still vividly remember his soft round face, his shy smile, and the blush creeping up his cheeks and ears the first time we shook hands. He was a sweet, sweet boy. He still is, except…he’s all grown up now. And he grew a little too. Just a little.

I and everyone else knew him to be this small, cute young man that it was jarring to hear news of him going to do his 2-year military service. Seventeen had already cemented themselves in the hearts, minds, and ears of Korea, so the members leaving one by one to serve the military wasn’t going to be a huge problem. First, it was Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Joshua, being an American citizen, wasn’t required to. A year after, Soonyoung, Wonwoo, and of course, my Jihoon, had to leave too. No one else could be sadder from their absence than the Carats. Without the group’s famed producer, the remaining members only had Vernon left to rely on if they chose to do a comeback.

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t worried for Jihoon. Sure, many male idols who have done their mandatory service come back to the public unscathed but my heart just couldn’t stop crying out for him when I first saw photos of him with a buzz cut. Although he appeared cute with his new hairstyle (his head looked even rounder), at another glance, he looked quite mature. He was 29 then and very, very handsome.

 

 

Jihoon stopped by at my place before getting drafted. He had messaged me prior to arriving so I had some time to clean up the living room and set up a couple of snacks.

“I want to give you this before I go,” he said, pulling out a flash drive from his pocket and handing it to me.

“What’s in it?”

“You’ll see. Don’t worry, it’s clear of viruses. Just—“ he looked at the space behind me as if he was wary someone was watching us. We were only standing at the threshold of my door. “—make sure you open the contents of that in private.”

“So, it’s our little secret?” I asked him with a smirk.

His face contorted into a half-smile before he stopped himself and settled for a flat grin. A nod was his only reply.

“I’ll check this out tonight then.”

“Okay.” Jihoon turned to leave in the other direction. “I guess I’ll be going now.”

“Wait, you won’t be staying for while? I can brew us some instant coffee if you’re in that of a hurry.”

“I can’t stay with you.”

The burst of energy I had to run to the kitchen and grab some cups disappeared when I heard those words come out of his mouth. It was only above a whisper, but I heard it loud and clear.

His normally bright, flushed face that he had whenever he would talk to me was nowhere to be seen. A sickly pallor instead was in its place. The dark circles and pink puffiness around his eyes looked all too familiar. He had either cried the night before or just earlier that day.

“I really have to go now,” Jihoon said without facing me. “Thank you for the coffee offer though.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll see you soon, Jihoon. I’ll be waiting for you.”

I should tell you, no two words have ever left deep scars in my heart than the two words he said to me before he walked away.

“Goodbye, _noona_.”

 

 

The flash drive Jihoon gave me sat on my desk for nearly a week before I finally decided to turn on my laptop and check what it was he had for me. I couldn’t understand then why I was too scared to see this “gift” from a person I cared so much about. When I inserted it into the port and opened its only file, a folder aptly named “FOR AILEE NOONA”, a sense of relief washed throughout my system. The folder had one other file. That was when the uneasiness came flooding back. In the folder was an mp3 file entitled “Please Listen to Me”.

With shaky fingers and a pounding heart, I double-clicked it, and the music player opened.

 

_Hi, noona. It’s me, Woozi. Lee Jihoon. How are you? I hope you’re feeling okay. Anyway, I had planned this for a long while now. Took me eons to record this properly, but after several attempts, it’s still not the best. I hope you listen to this well up until the last note._

 

God knows how much I cried that night during and after listening to his self-composed song. It only had his voice and him playing the piano, but it turned me into a tearful mess on my bed. I knew it was coming. I knew he had to say it sooner or later, and through his music nonetheless.

I cried for him. I cried for myself. That was why he said those two painful words to me. I deserved that. I broke his heart because I was too impatient. I deserved that goodbye.

 

_When I see your face_

_I see no future of ‘you and me’_

_Because when you see my face_

_To you, a child is what I’ll always be_

 

That wasn’t true. I kept telling his spirit that it wasn’t true. My Jihoon has grown into a great man and I admitted it then and there; I was in love with him. I then understood why I was reluctant to let him go like that. I was going to miss him badly. And he would return from the military and go on with his life to meet and fall in love with another woman who wasn’t me. And I would miss him even more. Why did I have to be so impatient? Why did I rush into a relationship I was only half-hearted about?

Just as he had told me in the recording, I listened until the last note. His voice cracked near the end and it seemed like the audio stopped prematurely when he began choking up and was on the verge of crying.

I cried the remaining tears I had left on to my pillow. That night was unbearably quiet save for my sobbing. When there was no one else to talk to in the wee hours after midnight, I always had Jihoon. He was always one call away. Hearing his “bedroom voice” through the phone always lifted the burdens I held in my heart. Knowing that he was always there for me gave me enough reason to keep on living and loving him. Now, I couldn’t talk to him for two whole years. And I had the gall to do this to him.

Only time will tell until I could forgive myself…until he could forgive me…or if I will ever be forgiven.

 

 

Two years have passed almost too quickly. It took me an hour of pacing around the house to ultimately decide to meet him at the private discharge ceremony. I called up his parents and told them that I would join them to meet their son. Though I couldn’t see it, I could feel his mother on the other line beaming. It was good to know that somehow his parents may have already accepted me as their future daughter-in-law.

Among the sea of shaved heads walking out of the barracks, I immediately spotted my Jihoon. His once porcelain white skin was now a pale tan that still looked good on him. He has gotten buffer too, and upon noticing that, I felt my cheeks heat up.

His parents received him first, giving him quick but warm hugs and proud pats on his head and back. Jihoon wasn’t one to give long hugs and numerous kisses to the people he loved the most either. It was his family’s trait, I assumed.

I stood there waiting for them to share their greetings, and it made me a little guilty to be intruding on a family reunion. My legs wanted me to turn back and run to the trunk of Mr. Lee’s car where Jihoon wouldn’t see me. Yet the rest of my body resiliently faced towards his direction. There was something I needed to tell him, and I needed to tell him there.

The expression he gave me when he finally caught sight of me was something I should’ve expected. It was a mix of confusion and elation. His face fell all of a sudden, and it took me a few seconds to realize why.

I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could without hurting him. The collar of his jacket soaked up my tears as I pressed my face to the smooth, warm crook of his neck. There he was in my arms and I didn’t want to let him go. Not again. Not like last time.

“ _Noona_ , what are you doing here?”

I didn’t give him a proper answer. All I could say was, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. My Jihoon, please forgive me.”

Jihoon hugged me so close to him that it seemed like our hearts were pounding against each other. “Don’t…don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. I should be the one apologizing. I’m sorry for loving you—“

I didn’t want to hurt him physically, but I just had to punch him on the shoulder to stop him from saying those things. “No, it’s my fault! It’s all my fault! I’m the stupid one. I was stupid enough to go steady with a guy I’ve only dated thrice. I’m just scared, Jihoon. I’m scared of getting older and having no one who will want to be with me.”

At that point, I had no clue if his parents were still watching us, or if any other people were watching us. At that point, I no longer cared.

“ _Noona_ , what about your boyf—“

“I broke up with him last year! I couldn’t take it anymore. I was lying to him and to myself.” I held him tighter. “I’m in love with you, Jihoon.”

The whole idea of the world stopping just for two people was merely a concept found in books, movies, and songs. I never thought it could happen in real life. Figuratively. There was no one else around us at that moment. There were no other sounds that could be heard apart from my and Jihoon’s breathing and the beating of our hearts echoing in my ears. It felt so beautiful to be able to say what I really wanted him to know for months and to have his lovely face as the only focus in my field of vision. So, imagine the surprise that shook me when he spoke.

“No, you aren’t. You’re lying to yourself again, _noona_.”

“I’m not! I’m not…” My legs gave in and I slowly fell. Before my knees touched the dirt, Jihoon held me up by my arms. I felt another pair of hands keeping me off the ground. His mother held on to my waist as she lifted me.

My hands found their way to Jihoon’s face, hardened by military training yet still retaining the softness of his youth. With an unstable voice, I sang to him.

 

_When you see my face_

_There is hope for ‘you and me’_

_Because when I see your face_

_To me, my love forever you shall be_

 

Jihoon rarely cried. When he did, it’s barely a sniffle, brought upon by the most moving of emotions. His nose crinkled and his mouth wavered between a frown and a smile.

He slipped off his backpack and held me once again into his embrace. His entire figure engulfed my little body. While not wearing heels, I was shorter than Jihoon, only reaching past his shoulder. He buried his face in my hair, dampening my locks with his tears. One hand was on the small of my back, keeping me pressed against his body firmly and gently. Of all the times we’ve hugged, that was that first time he has hugged me in that manner.

He didn’t speak a word. He didn’t need to. He already told me what he wanted to say anyway.

My hand slid from his chest up to his face to caress his cheek.

“My Jihoon, I hope you can stay with me,” I whispered.

Jihoon nodded while his face was still on my neck. And for the first time in those two years, I breathed easily.

 

.

.

.

 

Every night, memories of that day still find a way to flutter back in my mind. Who knows how our future would have turned out to be had I not joined his parents to the barracks that time? If I had hesitated at any point, Jihoon would most likely not be sleeping beside me now. He’s so peaceful when he sleeps, and amazingly still so handsome, like a dozing Adonis.

I comb my fingers through his hair, now flecked with a few graying strands. As he’s deep in slumber, I bring his hand to my abdomen now 25 weeks along. I would do this whenever I can’t sleep from all our baby’s kicking. Our baby seems to know when daddy’s hand is on mommy’s belly, and only then will the little one relax and fall asleep too.

A lone teardrop rolls from the corner of my eye and down to my pillow. It’s not due to overwhelming sadness this time. No words can explain just how happy I am being with my Jihoon. It’s all because the love of my life gave me a song’s worth of his feelings for me. And because I listened to him, just as I always did.


End file.
